Conclusion. In the aftermath of the Mega Lo Mart exploding, Hank suffers from propane-related PTSD, Buckley is found dead and laid to rest, Bobby begins to fear death, and Luanne deals with the loss of both Buckley and her hair by becoming a Sinéad O'Connor-request activist to everyone's chagrin. NOTE: This episode is shown as the season 3 opener, despite having a season 2 production code. It also was supposed to be shown on September 8, 1998, but due to the ongoing pursuit of the single season
Bobby falls in love with a 14-year-old classmate (Sarah Michelle Gellar), but soon learns that love hurts when the girl confesses that she only wants a platonic friend. Meanwhile, Hank, Dale, Bill, and Boomhauer become attached to a couch that was thrown out in the Hills' yard.
Peggy gets hired to write for the Arlen Bystander, but the stress of a new career leads her to require treatment from John Redcorn—and she soon discovers that John Redcorn had an affair with Nancy and is Joseph's biological father. NOTE: This episode featured Luanne with a shaved head and is usually shown in its aired order as a third season episode, despite having a season 2 production code.
Hank wants to breed Ladybird, but the veterinarian says that she has a narrow uterus and probably can't have children. Hank becomes obsessed with finding a way to get Ladybird pregnant, which annoys Peggy, because she's the one who really wants another baby. Meanwhile, Dale becomes a bounty hunter and is assigned to hunt down a man with several unpaid parking tickets. He decides that he needs a hound to accompany him on his first bounty, so he nabs Ladybird, to Hank's horror.
Hank tries several different methods to improve his sperm count so he can get Peggy pregnant. The frustration of not being able to have another child becomes worse when Cotton shows up and announces that he got his wife pregnant. But Cotton becomes so nervous at the prospect of having a baby at his age that he flees to Las Vegas, and Hank, Bill and Dale go after him.
Peggy enters the Mrs. Heimlich County Beauty pageant in hopes of winning a truck, but quickly discovers that she is not fit to compete with the other contestants.
While shopping at the mall on Black Friday, Hank, Dale, Bill, Kahn, and Boomhauer are invited to be part of a focus group for a new mower (with Cotton as an uninvited guest), Luanne goes ice skating to forget about Buckley, and Peggy falls asleep at a shoe repair shop after tearing her loafer. Guests Billy Bob Thornton, Dwight Yoakam.
All the kids in the neighborhood are going on their first hunt, but Hank is unable to get a hunting license for him and Bobby. Bobby is so upset about being denied the chance at a rite of passage that he starts to regress into acting like a little kid. Hank reluctantly decides to take Bobby hunting at the La Grunta Resort.
In this second Christmas episode, Bill becomes more depressed than usual as it is the anniversary of his wife leaving him. Hank, Dale, and Boomhauer decide to watch Bill in case he threatens to commit suicide, but when Hank yells at him for being a burden, Bill's depression turns into delusion when he begins dressing in drag and impersonating his estranged ex-wife Lenore.Guest Stars: Janet Waldo as Mrs. Tobbis
In a Rashomon-meets-The Three Stooges-style story, Hank, Dale, Bill, and Boomhauer tell their own versions of their day as firefighters after getting arrested for burning the firehouse to the ground. Meanwhile, Bobby helps Peggy with a pulled groin muscle. Guest: Barry Corbin as Fire Chief and Buddy Ebsen as Chet Elderson. This was Buddy's final role before he died in 2003.
After being taunted and pantsed by one of her students, Peggy loses it and spanks him. She is immediately fired, but Cotton and his old buddies start a campaign to get "Paddlin' Peggy" reinstated. Once she is back teaching, Peggy uses her reputation for violence to scare her students, and takes things too far, in true Peggy fashion.
Hank gets his tough old football coach to lead Bobby's football team. When the coach proves to be a tyrant, Bobby decides to quit football and join the soccer team, much to Hank's disappointment. Meanwhile, Peggy tries to fit in with the other soccer moms, and takes a crash course from Minh on Soccer-mom etiquette.
Kahn gets a great new job and invites Hank over to the office, hoping to make him jealous. While bragging about his job, Kahn gives away government secrets, swearing Hank to secrecy. Hank talks to Bill about Kahn's job, and Kahn gets fired for it.
To teach Bobby and Luanne a lesson in playing pranks, Hank orders Bobby to marry Luanne after Bobby takes her birth control pills and replaces them with sweet tarts.Guest: Matthew McConaughey as Rad Thibodeaux
Hank and Peggy go to a magic show where Peggy gets to be the volunteer in the best trick. Hank tries to figure out how the trick was done, and Peggy won't tell him. Meanwhile, Bobby is looking for a way to liven up his Sunday School report on Jesus, and when he sees the magician, he incorporates some of the tricks and patter into the report, calling it "The Amazing Jesus."
Hank gets Luanne a job as a golf course drink girl at the La Grunta resort. In gratitude, Luanne gets Hank a chance to swim with a dolphin. Hank pets the dolphin, and the dolphin becomes aroused and tries to become sexually intimate with him. In return for his silence, the hotel pays him off, and Hank tells Luanne never to talk about what happened. Luanne gets sexually harassed by one of the golfers, she decides to follow Hank's example and not talk about it.
Hank reluctantly drives his mother and her friends to Port Aransas to shop for glass miniatures, but things get even worse when Hank and the rude old women have to contend with MTV's raucous spring breakers in order to leave. Guests: Phyllis Diller, Uta Hagen, Pauly Shore and Betty White
An X-ray of Hank's colon from "Hank's Unmentionable Problem" winds up as the main attraction in an art museum. Meanwhile, Bobby is diagnosed with gout after eating chicken livers at a recently opened "New York" style deli.
Hurt by Bobby's negative views of his hometown, Hank tries to get the Dallas Cowboys to move their training camp from Wichita Falls to Arlen. However, his promotion video for Arlen is ruined by Peggy's and his friends' incompetence.
When Dale brings home a new 'Super Mower' the neighbors are jealous, but his attitude leaves everyone with a bad taste in their mouths. To knock him down a few notches, the crew decides to hide his new mower, & make it look like a conspiracy, Peggy gets involved and it goes too far. Dale gets pushed over the edge & it is Hank that goes to help him back down.
Arlen's new minister is a woman, which everyone except Cotton seems to accept. When Bobby eats all of a Midwestern fish dish prepared by the minister, it somehow leads to him accidentally burning down the church. Everyone assumes that Cotton did it, and he is arrested for a hate crime.
Peggy gets a letter from a Death Row convict who says that he is a former student of hers, and that she had the most positive impact on his life. She starts visiting him in prison and bringing him what she thinks is timer sand for Boggle -- not realizing that it's actually cocaine. Meanwhile, Dale wants to become an executioner.
While studying for her beauty school exam, Luanne sees someone bouncing on Buckley's old trampoline. It's Buckley, who has come back as an angel. Hank and Peggy think Luanne was hallucinating after using too many hair-dying chemicals, but Hank's friends come to believe in the existence of Buckley's Angel. But Luanne finds that Buckley isn't much more help to her as an angel than he was when he was alive.
Hank is picked to coach the company's softball team, spurring friction between Peggy and Hank. Meanwhile, Bobby and Connie are forced to define their relationship after being displayed in the "couples" section of the school yearbook.
Part one of two. Fearing that they may be getting too old to be "cool", Hank and Peggy spend their anniversary sky-diving, which comes to an abrupt end when Peggy's parachute malfunctions and she crashes onto a field. Meanwhile, Bobby struggles with taking his pregnant step-grandmother Didi to the hospital when her water breaks.